O Mono

 mo·no |ô|; substantivo masculino 2. [Figurado] Indivíduo feio, macambúzio, estúpido ou bisonho. 3. Mercadoria sem venda no comércio. 4. Coisa ou edifício demasiado grande, disforme ou mal executado. 5. [Portugal] Objecto doméstico (colchão, electrodoméstico, móvel, etc.), geralmente pesado ou de grandes dimensões, cuja remoção da via pública implica meios diferentes dos da habitual recolha de lixo.

Falta aqui a mais importante: “namorado que não abre a boca se estiver uma ou mais pessoas presentes”.

Tenho-me apercebido ao longo do tempo que algumas das minhas amigas que têm namorado, são autênticos monos. Isto porquê? Apresentam-nos e durante o resto da conversa, da noite, o homem não abre mais a boca.

Ouve, ocasionalmente sorri (mas muito raro) e é capaz de acenar a cabeça duas vezes no máximo. É assim que o mono comunica.

Quando me vou embora, dou por mim a pensar que, ou estes homens não falam mesmo ou só comunicam com uma pessoa de cada vez. Tudo o que englobe diálogo entre pessoas, eles não conseguem.

Dou-vos dois exemplos: Jantei com um casal amigo. Ela levou-o para mo apresentar. Enquanto nós partilhávamos alegremente o sushi, o mono “mamou” uma costeleta de novilho quase maior que ele e falou 3 vezes.

Fui com uns amigos a um concerto e uma delas, levou o novo namorado. Deve ter sido um suplicio para ele assistir com o concerto até ao fim porque nunca falou e assim que acenderam as luzes, perguntou imediatamente se nos podíamos vir embora. Na viagem de carro que ainda foram uns 50 minutos, falou duas vezes, sendo uma quando se despediu.

Felizmente nunca namorei, nunca me envolvi com um mono. Tenho um mono em casa em forma de móvel. É o único mono da minha vida e mesmo assim, não faço contas de o ter presente muito mais tempo.

1.996 thoughts on ““O Mono” – o novo macho

  1. Também não percebo isso Dora… se não são sociais têm bom remédio fiquem em casa e não sejam "empata fodas", mesmo correndo o risco de perderem a namorada/o. Não há paciência, ainda por cima quando são bem tratados e se tenha fazer conversa… tipo… um bocado de simpatia não fazia mal a ninguém, digo eu, mas isto dito por um pseudo mono lolololololol

  2. Eu sou aquele tipo de gajo que nunca se cala. Posso arrancar lentamente, mas assim que apanho a embalagem, ninguém me seguro e falo e falo e conto histórias e piadas e é até me mandarem calar que são horas do restaurante fechar.. 🙂

  3. Eu namorei com um mono! Oh yeee! Um dia destes tenho de dissertar sobre essa história. Mas ia dar um post muito longo. Enfim, o rapaz ia comigo a qualquer lado e passava a noite praticamente sem abrir a boca. Não era muito falador, mas quando estava com a 'minha' malta, piorava. Também, diga-se, a bem da verdade, que ele não dizia nada de jeito. Mal por mal, mais valia ficar caladinho. Ainda hoje me pergunto como é que fui namorar com aquela abécula…

  4. Por acaso eu falo bastante, sempre primei por ser o centro de atenções para onde quer que vá. No entanto eu percebo estes… monos! Normalmente quando alguém vai conhecer a melhor amiga da namorada, as duas ficam numa concertina a noite toda sobre os assuntos que lhes dizem respeito às duas, sem espaço para a introdução da pessoa na conversa. Outras vezes é porque pura e simplesmente a conversa não está a interessar para nada e como não se conhece a pessoa, há o receio de impor uma outra conversa. Claro que depois há tipos como eu, com um super ego, demasiado inflamado e que se estão a borrifar se a outra pessoa aceita ou nao a imposição de uma conversa nova. Quando é o grupo de amigos, acaba por ser pior, porque o grupo tende nesses dias "de apresentação", a usar piadas locais e quase propositadamente a excluir o novo personagem que aparece sem pedir permissão para entrar. Basicamente para esse tipo, é como se tivesse acabado de entrar num novo emprego, onde não conhece ninguém e não sabe os limites para onde ir.

    Dito isto, acho que há monos e monos. O mono, que apenas não se quer impor, mas que com o tempo até se revela interessante e depois há o mono, que é na realidade uma anta com dois olhos e que não interessa ao menino Jesus.

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